Words are not just words.

What's good?                           Words.

What's bad?                             Words.

What's the difference?            Understanding.

"You reap what you sow."  "Serves ya right."  "What did you think would happen?"  "What were you thinking?"  "Why would you do something like that?"  "Why didn't you do this?"  "Well, that's what you get."  "You should have known better."

How many of us have heard these statements at some point in our lives?  And be honest, did they really help in any way at all?  Did they accomplish even the tiniest little thing?

Next question:  How many of us have spoken these statements to someone in the past?  What were you thinking when you said them?  What did you hope to accomplish when those words flew from your lips?

I've heard those words in my life.  And, to be frank, they made me feel like crap.  They made me feel like I wasn't worth the breath it took to utter them.  Here I went to this person, depending and relying on them to help me in some way, whether for actual assistance, or advice and guidance, or even just someone to vent to.  I relied on them, counted on them to support me.  Already downtrodden, I made myself more vulnerable to them, raised my chin and bared my jugular, to hear what?  

I've also used those words before.  I hate to admit it and am not proud of it, but I'll be honest.  In my defense, I wasn't aware of this at the time.  It's only now, thinking back on my life, that a lot has dawned on me.  What was I thinking when I made these useless comments?  I was thinking, phew, someone is more screwed up than I am.  I was thinking my internal judgment of them is justified.  I was feeling vindicated, this just proves that my decisions are better, that my life choices worked and theirs didn't.  Ridiculously self-satisfied in my existence when compared to theirs, aren't I perfect?

These were not conscious thoughts, no smirking or puffing up of the chest was involved.  But looking back, I know they were there, sadly enough.  And while on the receiving end of those admonishments, I also know the speaker felt the same.  Look in their eyes, look at the unguarded expression on their face, and yep, there it is.  The speaker most likely doesn't realize those feelings are rattling around inside themselves, but they are there.

What is my point in all of this?  Don't listen to it.  It doesn't help and just piles worse feelings on top of your already inadequate sense of self.  It produces absolutely nothing of worth and benefits no one.  Yes, no one, ultimately not even the speaker.  Remove yourself from the negativity, eliminate that influence from your environment.  You don't need it.  And it will not help in any way.  In fact, it will hinder.

So you screwed up, who hasn't?  So you made the wrong choice, again who hasn't?  So you didn't do something you should have or did do something you shouldn't have, who hasn't?  And now you're suffering the consequences and facing the music.  Some are lucky enough that their situation is an easy fix, others.....not so much.

You're living life and ran right out into that lake, right?  Wooho.....uh....oops, maybe you waited too long and ran out ONto that lake.  There you stand, balanced precariously on a slippery sheet of ice, unsure what to do next.  Whatever you try just upsets your balance even more, and pretty soon your legs are flailing about in every direction imaginable.  You fall a few times, pick yourself back up, just to flounder some more.

What do you need now?  Do you need more abuse inflicted upon your already low self-esteem?  No, you don't.  You need understanding, you need compassion, you need a shoulder to lean on.  Then later, once life has been fixed and all is well again, then you may need a kick in the butt to not do it again.  But not now, you don't need that now.

What you need is to NOT give up.  You are not the horrible person that you and the "words speaker" are trying to make you out to be.  You are simply human.  So tell your negative self and the speaker of those unknowingly cruel words, "Thanks for listening.  I'll see you later."  Don't give up, keep trying, keep putting that effort out there no matter how much it feels like a waste of time.

And you'll make it.  Eventually, you'll flounder onto a rough patch of ice and gain some traction.  Then, all it takes is a little nudge to slide you back onto firm ground again.

Don't give up on you.  You're more than worth the effort.

Oh, and for those who have been the recipient of those clumps of letters that never should have been formed into words?  I'm sorry.  I never should have said them, I should have actually helped.  I didn't mean to hurt with my words, but know that I did.  And I'm truly sorry.

As always, take your time leaving but hurry on back.  :)